I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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