I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize