Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
