I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
