so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
