Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
