there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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