shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
