I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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