U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize