My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
