can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
