i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
