btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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