Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
