Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
