I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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