I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
should my penis look like a turkey
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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