listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
