Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
