I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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