Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
