I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize