Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
