This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
