just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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