he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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