the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
