He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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