can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
