Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
