I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
