YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
