I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
