just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
