My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
