No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
