then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Randomize
