i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
