I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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