I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
