We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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