He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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