for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
