Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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