fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
