Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
