Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
