he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
