walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
stop calling my apartment porn island.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
