Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
