Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
