I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
