you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
