So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
