I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
