I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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