It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
