I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
