He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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