I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
