the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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