me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
