My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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