it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
